Where'd You Go?

[i miss you so]

I told my mother the night I knew I was in love with him that when the relationship ends, under any circumstances, that it was going to be hard and that my heart would break.

I pulled into my driveway after work today and turned off the car, leaving the radio playing. The song was "Living on a Prayer." When we were going through our first rough spot, we were driving in his car and talking it through. He took my hand and we sang this song. Because of Bon Jovi and the impeccable timing of the radio, I believed everything would be okay and in that moment, it truly was.

Oh, we're halfway there. Oh, living on a prayer! Take my hand and we'll make it I swear. Oh, living on a prayer!

I rested my forehead at noon on the steering wheel and clutched four and eight o'clock with my hands and I cried. In those tears washed away every hope, promise, and dream that I had concocted, been told, or held onto throughout the last year. I suppose I knew all along that he wouldn't be the man I ended up with, so I'm not entirely sure why I am so effected by all of this. But then again, the answer is simple.

I miss him.

I just know he doesn't miss me.

I still find myself thinking "my boyfriend."

"Oh, my boyfriend has that shirt!"
"My boyfriend went to MSU!"
"My boyfriend" this.
"My boyfriend" that.

Then I stop myself. I try to say "my friend" this/that. But we've sent maybe four texts to eachother since last week. Are we friends? He doesn't contact me. We didn't keep the date to hang out like we said we would.

I have zero closure. This. Sucks.

[feels like it's been forever, since you've been gone]